Firefighting

I'm not gonna lie i don't know what happened to me over the course of my vacation (maybe something bit, shot, or poisoned me) but I do know this. . . I am doing something to attract a very undesirable type of association. Some of you who are still reading (i know, wishful thinking, but wtf-ever) are wondering what i mean and i want to tell u.

Something about me is making people who steal, lie, cheat, have unprotected sex, and are just generally shady flock to me in hopes of forming friendshits.

That last word was not a typo because that's what happens when I unknowingly join forces with these people, we form relationships that turn into shit at a rapid rate. Knowing this and being barely smart enough to know whats good for me has led me to do something never done by any human in the history of the world--I am going to get to know someone before i trust them and let them into my life. If my calculations are correct i might just have a circle of friends who wont talk shit about me or sell my house while I'm at work (or some other equally disruptive fuckery)

Don't get me wrong, not all my friends are like this--and not all the friends i have made hasty or wrong judgements about have fucked me over (some have just done other 'tard-quality shit like use me and lead rebellions against parts of my way of life) either way i see this as the dawn of a new era

. . . . a new, friendless era

. . . .a new, mostly drunk, friendless era

Oh yeah, if u pray for others (bc some ppl just dont)--pray for me.. . . . . wanna work for Verizon and if they let me it would end a buncha shit that's bothering me.

The Prodigal Blogger

OK if I amassed a reader during my sabbatical and they for some reason developed an interest in the things I had opinions on before I vanished I have returned to say that I am sorry for my sad disappearance and my tragic return, lol. Any-fuckin-ways a lot of shit has happened on my extended vacation; I delved into a seedy underworld and realized it wasn't for me, I played yet another hand in the game of love and lost, and I am now in the process of tying up loose ends in my life because while I'm now quite sure who exactly I want to be--I do know who I refuse to turn into. With that said, let it be known that I feel smart today and feel like weirding you out with something I have been meaning to put into words. . . . .

I had heard so many stories back during the time of my life when I was too young to venture forth on such a voyage. I was told stories and events unfolded right before me to confirm the countless yarns spun. When I became old enough I set sail on a journey for a share of the mysticism everyone allegedly had reserved for them by some divine, cosmic source. There was turbulence, setback, and even failures. The only thing to keep me going was the vast amount of faith I had instilled within the results of the project. At this point in my tour, I am convinced that the tales told to me were only done so to prevent those my age from seeing the light too early and embarking on something "tragic" like Juvenile Suicide on the Grounds of the Futility of Living (something that could become a psychological pandemic and would receive some cute little acronym so to belittle the issue at hand).At this moment in time the only fruits of my phyric victory are my opinions on the subject, which are set forth below. . .

--Love by Mavryk--

"I wanted to believe, but the tools were taken from me. All my instruments of intake were disabled. My eyes that sparkled with the aggression of claim are now dull and blind. These ears which were so attuned to the sounds of life are now half-deaf, and now the sounds that do fall upon them are of rarity and only worth attention of the ignorant breed. The mouth that sang the sweet notes of inspiration and guttural tones of devotion is now stifled and its reopening is of so little threat not a shred of concern is paid on any plane of the mind. The heart that beat with an affection that would echo beyond the epochs was stolen midnight; during the slumber where the tirades of fantasies that pervaded the beautiful mind's infinite planes failed to arrive. I fell asleep one night an Addict of the Idyllic Eternal Infatuation only to awaken The Senseless Cynic"

I wanted to believe, but the tools. . .

अद्देंदुम

Been thinking, and I decided that it would be nice to have someone who wasn't obligated to love me to do so. . . . .

" ऎंड थें, लिके अ लोकोमोतिवे. . . . . ."

So I have been listening to the new Kanye West CD (kicks ass, btw) and hearing the beats and his voice while riding around made me realize how much i missed college (which was when I heard his 1st CD, which was pure genius). This was a couple of days ago and since i have been playing the CD nonstop I have been thinking about my college days.

Earlier tonight i got on facebook and was looking at the pics on friends profiles from college and started to reflect on my own experiences. .


And then like a Locomotive, it hit me. I realized my college career (like my entire life) was only as half as good as i could have made it. I had this fantasy on how my life would sorta go--and this in collusion with my delusions on how my life is/was have brought me to the shocking reality that my life has sucked. Now on the one hand I have to be mature and make a decision on whether or not I still want a glamorous life like I feel i do.

At this point I am faced with a decision. . . . . .


And I wish i had someone to help me make it

सो So Very Pensive

I have been thinking a lot today (mostly about अलं) some about where my life has brought me, where it is taking me and where i thought i would be at this time. I have to admit, I wasn't very mentally responsible because i don't think I have ever looked ahead. I just decided something was going to happen to me and I started doing the things i needed to do to make it happen. I should be broken of this habit by now given the fact that anyone who lives 10 minutes in the real world is faced with at least one Unplanned-for issue. This doesn't stop me, for i am RECKLESS MAN.

It doesn't bother me that i don't usually weigh the outcome of most decisions I make (because i usually make the good one or the one with the good expected outcome)--------


Hold on a second, I am rambling my ASS off

And i just noticed that i typed all of this shit in 15 secs

I am hyper as hell.

I'm hungry.

And my Arms hurt.

I'm getting the hell away from this computer.

Iced Coffees from McDonald's KICK ASS

The Unthinking Majority

I was off work today and yesterday. That was the fucking shit. The impending Fucking shit is the fact that after work tomorrow I have the weekend off (FUGGIN SCHWEET). I had a moment of clarity today and the moral of it was despite the fact that it may displease those very close to me (and if u know me then u know that the meaning of my existence is to unconditionally please those who are--and whom i wish to be--close to me) I have to do things on my own terms. Especially when they pertain to me. I simply have to do things that pertain to my well being at my own pace because, even though they just wants whats best for me, the only way things done by me will turn out right is if I take my time when doing them.

I'm trying to get my shit together, priorities str8 and shit of that nature all in a row. I have a pretty good plan of what order my life should be in and I'm working hard to get it there. Also, things are doing a pretty good job of staying where i put them. . . . . . . well, all except one.

There is the one factor in my life which the value of it is measure only by my heart and when my head tries to butt in and tell my heart what to do; My heart kicks my brains ass and makes this thing the number one priority. So its hard to keep अलं of my fuggin mind.

Also I was using one foot to scratch the other last night and I guess due to the concrete texture of my heels, I rubbed a layer of skin off the side of my left foot. Lol, this shit is gross and means 2 things; 1) I shouldn't try to do anything while scratching an itch bc i don't know when to stop if I'm not paying attention AND 2) I need a goddamn pedicure.

See ya later, bitchez. :-P


My Birthday is in 5 weeks.

I finish Rehab in 6 weeks.

Serj Tankian's Solo CD Drops in 7 weeks.

Some good shits gonna start happening in a at least a Month (if it hasn't started happening already)

I wish अलं would realize the good thing that lies within what is considered to be lying in wait for their being. . . . .

I know, It makes not one fucking shred of sense, but its all true.

अलं ऎंड मार्क फोरेवेर

Last Day Of August

Today was a pretty OK day (that looks weird together). I learned so much today. I was told I have a bad attitude. I found out that one of my "Friends" is the reason I am constantly getting written up at work and those are his intentions. I learned that I am going into a withdrawal kinda stage because I am slowly sinking away from everyone (I thought it was because I finally got the $100 in books I bought from Amazon, but its not). And last, but not least, I think I am starting to realize that me liking someone is a repulsive thing in that person's opinion.

I am tired--and this isn't the kind of tired that's fixed by a nap. This notion is pulsing inside my heart. I do not know what it is yet, but everyday it manifests itself a little more. From the little I know now; I can only assume that this is some sort of desire for a change (which is kinda due in my life).

I know people look @ me and probably think, "Damn, can we please get this guy laid or euthanized or something?!?"

I'm Gonna make a couple of September's Resolutions to: consciously make an effort to deflect the bullshit until I can remove myself from the situation, try to pay as much attention to myself as i do to {@!@&}, and to start the preparations for living a long life alone. The last one is especially hard because for a while i have been mentally preparing myself to encumber the weight of 2 children who aren't mine. These plans were changed recently (at least for the long-term temporary) because I had an epiphany and I realized I suck.

Its not bad, its just the truth. I gotta start doing better.